Living life

Only the wise person draws from life, and from every stage of it, its true savour, because only he or she feels the beauty, the dignity, and the value of life. The flowers of youth may fade, but the summer, the autumn, and even the winter of human existence, have their majestic grandeur, which the wise person recognizes and glorifies.

-Henri Frederic Amiel

I feel Henri’s advice is necessary if we wish to live our lives to the fullest. If I am wise, I will not worry about growing older, for I understand that in life, there is a time for everything. Every stage of our lives holds “beauty, dignity, and value,” and if we allow ourselves to recognize this truth, our experiences here will be more complete, more involved, and more magnificent.

We should seek to live our lives with our eyes wide open. Marvel at the little things you notice. Give of yourself as much as you can, knowing that in giving comes our true growth. Cast aside your worries: worries about whether or not someone likes you, for not all things can be; worries about the things you do not possess, for not having them does not diminish your abilities or worth; worries about the future or past regrets, for only the present moment truly matters.

The world we live in is such a glorious place to be, with so much possibility and potential. And if we embrace the ability to appreciate this world we are in, and to understand our fellow man and help them in concrete ways, we will gain wisdom each day of our lives. For we have the ability to live life fully, to give as well as receive, and to love with purpose. Do not let that ability go unspent.

Find beauty in each of the main chapters of your life and the life of someone older than you.


Questions to consider:

How does wisdom grow within us?

What do you see as the difference between knowledge and wisdom?

Who is the wisest person you know? Why is that person wise?


For further thought:

You must learn day by day, year by year, to broaden your horizon. The more things you love, the more you are interested in, the more you enjoy, the more you are indignant about–the more you have left when anything happens.

-Ethel Barrymore

Show compassion

The true joy of humankind is in doing that which is most proper to our nature; and the first property of people is to be kindly affected towards them that are of one kind with ourselves.

-Marcus Aurelius

Am I “kindly affected” towards others in my life, especially those who perhaps I feel deserve my anger or condemnation? Sometimes it can be difficult to look beyond the actions of others and recognize the sacredness that exists in all human life, to see that individual as the living breathing being that they are. Every person on this planet is a unique soul, living a similar life experience as I am, dealing with problems that I would have a difficult time dealing with, and it is not up to me to judge or condemn them for their actions.

I recently read an article about a 14-year-old girl who stabbed her 11-year-old stepsister 40 times because she was upset that the sister had hit her the previous night, and that she was not grateful for everything that she does for her. The younger sister ended up dying. I remember feeling a number of different feelings: heartbroken for the younger sister at losing her life at such a young age, sympathy for the family having to deal with the loss of their daughter, and sorrow for the older sister. The thing that really got to me, though, was that after reflecting upon it for a bit, I looked inside myself and there was no anger, there was no hate. The feelings I felt were those that Marcus was speaking of: a pure sadness for the older sister, a recognition of the pain and hurt that this girl must be carrying around inside.

When we try to understand the humanity in others, we find the root of the problem. Throwing someone in jail for stealing something is often like putting a band-aid on skin cancer–it masks the issue and appears like a quick fix, however, that person will still have anger and frustration inside that made them steal in the first place. Jails and laws are necessary and helpful, but we must also strive to look inside the individual and heal the pain and anger.

It is easy for us to condemn others for their wrongdoings, failings, and shortcomings, but that is not compassion. As Eleanor Roosevelt points out below, we as individuals can choose to “walk humbly and deal charitably,” and we will then be contributing in our own small ways to making this world a better place. Even if we are just showing compassion for another human being, or helping someone else to feel better about his or her life. There is good and bad in everyone. And our compassion is much more effective in helping others than our judgment and condemnation.

Show compassion to others today.


Questions to consider:

At times when you have needed others to be non-judgmental and understanding, how has it felt when they have been that way? When they have not?

What does it mean for one to be objective? Is it easy to be so?

How do your reactions to others affect their lives? How do they affect your own?


For further thought:

A mature person is one who does not think only in absolutes, who is able to be objective even when deeply stirred emotionally, who has learned that there is both good and bad in all people and in all things, and who walks humbly and deals charitably with the circumstances of life, knowing that in this world no one is all knowing and therefore all of us need both love and charity.

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Little casual nonsense

Do you ever make silly mistakes? It is one of my very few creative activities.

-Len Deighton

I generally find that a little casual nonsense seems to make a lot of sense when it comes to living a healthy life. When I allow myself to look at life from a silly–and sometimes even ridiculous–perspective, I see things in a new way, a fun and creative way.

If laughter is the best medicine, then I would be wise to make it a point to try to allow a certain level of silliness into my life. Especially as we get older, and society in general tends to expect us to be more serious, finding ways to maintain our sense of humor is important.

And as Len points out, having a light-hearted attitude towards our “silly mistakes” is something that can be very beneficial to us. Not only does it allow us to look at our shortcomings and failures as steps along the way, but it also offers us a form of strength and confidence that encourages us to step off the worn path before us now and again.

Have some fun today. Look around and consider the absurd. Marvel in its glory and wonder. Even in the nonsense that is there before you each day, you will find a grain of truth that just may offer you a new and unique way of seeing things.

Spend some time in silly conversation with someone else today.


Questions to consider:

What does it mean to have an open mind? Do you feel that you have one?

Can we pick and choose what we are open to? Do we still have an open mind if we decide what we are open-minded about?

How many things can you see at this moment that you usually consider to by a nonsensical fantasy?


For further thought:

Children have one kind of silliness, as you know, and grown-ups have another kind.

-C.S. Lewis

Lessons

No man can reveal to you aught but that which already lies half asleep in the dawning of your knowledge. The teacher who walks in the shadow of the temple, among his followers, gives not of his wisdom but rather of his faith and his lovingness. If he is indeed wise he does not bid you enter the house of his wisdom, but rather leads you to the threshold of your own mind.

-Kahlil Gibran

Teaching truly is an art that requires both patience and understanding from the teacher. So often when we teach others, we impart our knowledge with the expectation that it will be understood and embraced by the recipients. However, unless we instill the seeds of passion and devotion, of faithfulness and lovingness, then all we really are doing is allowing them to visit our “house of wisdom” and not teaching them how to build their own.

True learning happens when the student comes to realize and embrace the lessons you teach. As a parent, I find that my children learn best when I allow them to experience my wisdom with me, acting as a fellow guide along the way. I like to think of it as lighting a fire within their hearts, an intensity that will allow them to search for the answers that they already know. And if at any point they would like someone to discuss the journey with, I am there; if at any point they get a bit lost and need some help, I am there; if at any point they are excited and need someone to share that with, I am there.

Those we teach are just like us–thinking, caring, and feeling human beings. They are going through similar experiences to the ones we have been through, questioning many of the things we have questioned, and feeling much of what we have already felt and perhaps still do. When we are able to focus on this truth–that we are a human being teaching another human being–we experience teaching on a whole new level. My children are their own unique selves, and I have the opportunity to help them learn so much of the wondrous knowledge and wisdom I have come to understand during my life. How awesome is that!

Give the gift of guided wisdom to others. Take the time to teach. Help others to light a fight within themselves to seek “that which already lies half asleep in the dawning of their own knowledge.”

Take time to read a book to a child today and allow them to recognize the importance of the lessons within.


Questions to consider:

What are you really good at? How could you pass along your knowledge and passion for the topic?

What have been some of the most important lessons that you have learned? Where have they taken place?

What do you think is the most important lesson anyone could learn in order to put them on track to live a happy, fulfilling life? Is this lesson taught in schools?


For further thought:

“The best thing for being sad,” replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, “is to learn something. That’s the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then–to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn.”

-T.H. White, The Once and Future King

Find peace

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.

-Mother Teresa

So many of the problems we face in the world these days can be associated with our choice to ignore–or our inability to recognize–the common bonds of humanity we all share. This lack of awareness is a source of many of the travesties that we see in the news, much of the hate we fail to extinguish, and much of the hurt we allow to exist and to spread throughout our world. As Mother Teresa points out, peace comes to us when we hold each other in our hearts.

The times in my life when I find myself without peace, I usually find frustration, anger, or resentment in its stead. There is nothing healthy or positive for me in its absence–I find myself stressed out with a short fuse, my tension level goes up, even my perspectives on life are affected. I become someone who is not very helpful to those in my life, someone who is not at peace and therefore cannot spread peace to others.

The good news is we can reclaim our peace if we desire it. Peace is already there in our lives, and we should begin to seek it out in each other–in service towards our fellow man, in compassion, empathy, and love, in sharing in our joys and our sorrows, in recognizing that “we belong to each other.”

Perhaps our goal should be to find and keep that connection we share with our brothers and sisters alive in our hearts.

Find some peace today through interaction and service towards others.


Questions to consider:

Is there peace inside of you? Where is it today?

How can I help others more when I am at peace?

It seems that most of the things that we lose our peace over look much less important in retrospect. How can we try to see their true importance (or lack of importance) while they are affecting us, instead of after?


For further thought:

“You have peace,” the old woman said, “when you make it with yourself.”

-Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

Listen to your inner self

To set us on a clear path, it is important to communicate well, at least with ourselves. To know what we want, to know what we mean, and to learn to express ourselves clearly, with as little confusion as possible. If you are confused about yourself, you can expect to be misunderstood by those around you. You have to set your mind straight, and that is a task that no one else can undertake for you.

-Rosemary Altea

We all have a lot to learn about who we are. For even though there are multitudes of books that can teach us much about ourselves, and people who can awaken our minds to so much that we do not know, we are each unique individuals–what is right and true for me is not necessarily right and true for you. Often times, when I hear about what is right for others, there is something inside of me that tells me that this is not the case for me.

Yet I feel that Rosemary is talking about something beyond simply self-discovery. It seems that perhaps she is referring to our intuition–of gaining insight about ourselves by taking the time to communicate clearly with our inner souls. And this can be quite difficult in our present society, for we often feel that everyone has the same wants and needs, and when they try to fulfill their individual needs, they are somehow being anti-social or selfish. But that does not make this aspect of our lives any less important.

I find it a bit ironic that in places where individualism and uniqueness are celebrated and considered to be of primary importance, we often times tend to lead our lives looking for conformity and for fitting in. Perhaps we are afraid of what we think others will say. But when am I most effective in helping others? When I embrace a deep sense of inner awareness, and take care of my own needs, or when I am overwhelming myself with obligations?

We listen to our parents, we listen to our bosses, we listen to our teachers, but seldom do we listen to ourselves. Pay attention to your feelings and your intuition. Take time each day to listen deeply to yourself and learn to trust what you hear. This is the only path to true and lasting personal growth.

Make time to listen to your inner self today.


Questions to consider:

When was the last time you truly listened to yourself and heeded the message? What were the results?

Do you trust yourself enough to act on the messages that come from inside?

How can we practice listening to ourselves and heeding the messages?


For further thought:

Our bodies have five senses: touch, smell, taste, sight, hearing. But not to be overlooked are the senses of our souls: intuition, peace, foresight, trust, empathy. The differences between people lie in their use of these senses; most people don’t know anything about the inner senses while a few people rely on them just as they rely on their physical senses, and in fact probably even more.

-C. JoyBell C.

The gift of sight

I have walked with people whose eyes are full of light but who see nothing in sea or sky, nothing in city streets, nothing in books. It were far better to sail forever in the night of blindness with sense, and feeling, and mind, than to be content with the mere act of seeing. The only lightless dark is the night of darkness in ignorance and insensibility.

-Helen Keller

I often wonder what it would be like to be blind. Sometimes, I close my eyes tightly and try to get around the house as if I were blind… it is my attempt to imagine things without truly seeing them. I can never imagine just what it would be like, though, for I have already spent many years seeing–I will always have the memories of vision there in my mind. The blindness of not seeing would be a tragedy for those of us who have already experienced the visual splendor of our world.

Helen Keller is willing to accept physical blindness for what it is. And here, she calls us to task for not seeing even though we have the physical capability to do so. What have I missed in life in spite of my ability to see? What has passed me by because of my insensibility–my unwillingness or inability to see the world around me and all the people in it?

Literary works throughout the ages have explored the concept of blindness–probably the most famous is Shakespeare’s King Lear. He knows his daughters as his daughters, but he is completely blind to their true natures because he refuses to know them deeply and truly. In the play, he ends up actually losing his eyes as a result of his ignorance and blindness.

If we can see, we take what we see for granted. If we can hear, we take for granted all the sounds that we can hear. If we can taste, we take flavors for granted. If we can speak, we take our voice and ability to talk for granted. If we can think, we take our mental capacity and cognitive abilities for granted. We work ourselves into a state of ignorance of the true nature of things, and we lose our ability to see past the surface of people and things. Since we are not physically blind, we should take every opportunity to take advantage of the gifts we have–especially the gift of sight to see the beautiful world in which we live.

Close your eyes for several minutes and just imagine what it would be like if you could not see the world around you?


Questions to consider:

What are some of the things you see regularly, but do not really “see?”

How long do you continue to notice the beauty of something new you bought for your home? Do you stop noticing its beauty regularly?

What does it take to see past the surface of a person? How can seeing cure us of ignorance?


For further thought:

“Why did we become blind” the doctor’s wife asks. In Saramago’s distinctive dialogue format, her husband replies and she responds: “I don’t know, perhaps one day we’ll find out, Do you want me to tell you what I think, Yes, do, I don’t think we did go blind, I think we are blind, Blind but seeing, Blind people who can see, but do not see.”

-Jose Saramago

Offering understanding

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.

-Dale Carnegie

There are times in my life where I fail to extend understanding and forgiveness to others. This is especially bothersome when it happens with someone I love deeply, like my wife or my children. Yet when I am able to be a man of character, and allow myself to walk a mile in their shoes, I often find that their perspectives are exactly aligned with my own. I like to refer to this as having grace, and that is exactly what Dale is talking about here, “putting ourselves in other’s shoes.”

Do I practice grace in my relationships? About a month ago, my wife and I were going to visit my brother and his family. It was snowing and the wind chill was around -10 degrees Fahrenheit, and I went out to start the car to get it warmed up for the children. But when I turned the key, it just would not turn over. I tried giving it gas and starting it for another 5 minutes, then decided to check the oil. It was low so I added some, spilling it on the engine because my hands were getting too cold. I then proceeded to try again… still nothing. At this point I was starting to run out of patience. Still, I hooked-up the trickle charger and let it fully charge while I continued to assess the vehicle. It was around this time my wife came outside and mentioned that it might be low on gas. Now I was rather irritated, as my fingers were frozen and I could not really move them, and I felt I had wasted my time. I remember using a few course words with her for running the vehicle to empty in the first place, and that she should go fill up the gas container at the gas station while I warmed up.

When she got back, I really felt bad about what I had said to her and the fact that I took my frustrations out on her. I never really took the time to try to understand her perspective or her feelings, let alone trying to forgive her for her momentary forgetfulness. I cannot begin to count the number of times I have failed to do something I have committed myself to doing, or the number of times I have simply forget about something as trivial as checking the oil or gas. Perhaps if I had taken Dale’s advice, I would have found understanding and forgiveness for the woman I love, and would have let her know that it is ok, I too make mistakes each day of my life.

As Patricia Briggs said, “When life doesn’t meet your expectations, it is important to take it with grace.” Do we offer grace, sympathy, understanding, forgiveness, and love to those we care about in life? Do we take the time to imagine being that person–having their job, working with their co-workers, dealing with children who get into trouble, recovering from loss or abuse, getting over a painful divorce, getting laid off of work? If we desire to truly help others in life, then we must be understanding and forgiving even to those who do not seem to need our understanding or forgiveness.

Offer understanding and forgiveness to others today.


Questions to consider:

Can you think of someone with whom you are at odds who may need your understanding? What would that understanding do for you?

Can you imagine yourself living through someone else’s situation for a day? For a week?

How often to you share forgiveness with those in your life?


For further thought:

We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.

-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

See the positives

A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.

-C.S. Lewis

It is easy for me to find fault in others–to see their own shortcomings and failures and to find ways in which they could work on addressing them. But that is not going to help me rise above my own flaws. As C.S. Lewis points out, when I spend my energies on looking at the flaws of others, I mistakenly place my focus away from myself–away from that which I truly have the power to change.

Of course, the opposing virtue to pride is humility, and if I am able to add a little more humility into my life, then I will find it much simpler to add positively to the life of others as well as my own. This is, after all, an obligation of our humanity–as I discussed yesterday, serving others is the best way to define our lives and “etch in the lives and hearts of those we touch.”

I want to improve myself because that is what life is about–growth and development. My focus should be to become greater than my former self. Each morning I am blessed with the chance to become greater than the man I was yesterday, and this is something I should not take for granted.

Keep your head up. Look for the goodness and value in others. Find ways in which you can improve and enrich your life today. The return on investment will be well spent.

Find something positive about those you meet today.


Questions to consider:

How many people are affected by your actions each day, on any level? Is the effect that you have on them positive and helpful?

How can you improve yourself today? Tomorrow? This year?

What can you do today to make your current self a better self, even if it is on the smallest level possible?


For further thought:

There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.

-Ernest Hemingway

To positively affect lives

I don’t want my life to be defined by what is etched on a tombstone. I want it to be defined in what is etched in the lives and hearts of those I’ve touched.

-Steve Maraboli

I have never really thought about what I may like to see etched on my tombstone, but is what I have etched on a slab of stone really that important? For Steve, it is not. And I have to really ask myself: Is defining my life by the words on my headstone just my way of increasing the importance of my life? And moreover, who will find value in my life if it was defined merely by those words?

It is easy to pay a specified amount of money to have something etched on a tombstone, or even a billboard or signage, however, it will have little meaning outside of those who are affected by it. Therefore, if we wish for our lives to have a deeper meaning and purpose that extends beyond just ourselves, it is essential that we live our lives in ways that allow us to make a difference in the lives of others. This is the most permanent and defining way we can give value and meaning to our lives and to everything that we do–to “etch in the lives and hearts of those we touch.” In doing so, we will write the chapters of our book in their hearts, and it will live on in them and in those whose hearts they touch.

Life is a journey. I want to live it passionately. I wish to share that passion with those who walk with me, as well as with those I encounter along the way. And on the day I die, I want my life defined by what I have contributed to making other’s lives easier and more fulfilling. If I am able to someday look back and find that I have accomplished this, I will know that my life had great meaning and purpose.

Make the effort to positively affect the lives and hearts of others today.


Questions to consider:

Can we live our lives in service to others? What would that truly involve?

In what ways can you touch the lives of others?

What are the benefits or repercussions on your immortal soul if you die having saved a lot of wealth, power, or fame for yourself? What about if you die having saved a lot of heartaches for others?


For further thought:

Service is the rent we pay for being. It is the very purpose of life, and not something you do in your spare time.

-Marian Wright Edelman