“Trouble is a part of your life, and if you don’t share it, you don’t give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough.” – Dinah Shore …
How do you feel when someone trusts you enough that they come to you for advice or help when they need it? I love it. It is such a positive feeling of giving and caring, and it reminds me that others need me in this world. The act itself clearly displays the deepness of our mutual friendship as well as their trust in confiding in me. Now flip the tables… do we really want to deprive our friends of such a positive feeling by not asking them for advice or help when we need it? Our friends want to be there for us just as we want to be there for them in their times of need.
Unfortunately, many of us have been raised to keep things to ourselves and therefore do not want to bother others with our problems or bring unnecessary stress or issues into their lives. And although on the surface this may seem like a positive and unselfish way to handle our problems, there is nothing further from the truth. Keeping our friends from helping us hinders our friendship from growing and flourishing on another level and selfishly stops our friends from gifting us with their ears to listen, their shoulders to cry upon, their words to offer encouragement, and their hearts to impart love.
“You don’t give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough.” With such beautiful words, Dinah expresses the importance of allowing others to love us. When I really stop and think about the relationships in my life, I can clearly see the many times others offer their help and love to me in small and large ways. Like when my wife asks about my day and then listens intently to my stresses and joys. Or when she scratches my back when it is itchy, shares advice when I am at a loss, or offers to help me when I am feeling overwhelmed. The simple fact is that she needs me as much as I need her, and I need to allow her the opportunity to “love me enough.” Relationships truly are a two-way street, and sometimes it is only through showing our own vulnerability that we allow others to shine–that we allow others to show just how much they truly care and just how great of friends they can be to us.
Although troubles will always be a part of our lives, we have others here to help us out–the troubles that we are going through; someone else has gone through before. And if we share what we are experiencing, and allow others to help us out, to give advice, to be the friends they want to be and know they can be, we will allow love to flourish around us. Our friends want to be able to contribute to our lives… allow them the opportunity to love you enough.
Allow someone who cares about you the chance to help you today in some way.
Questions to consider:
From where do we get the idea that it is somehow wrong to “burden” other people with our troubles?
How might you go about allowing your friends to help you to deal with your problems?
What kind of feeling do you get when you are able to help a friend? Are you robbing your friends of that nice feeling when you do not allow them to help you?
For further thought:
“I am treating you as my friend, asking you to share my present minuses in the hope I can ask you to share my future pluses.” ~ Katherine Mansfield, The Collected Letters of Katherine Mansfield