“Choose to be a love-finder rather than a fault-finder.” ~ Gerald Jampolsky, Good-Bye to Guilt …
Am I a fault-finder? Am I always looking for people and things to criticize and then voicing those criticisms internally and to the world around me? As we might expect, being a fault-finder tends to bring others down. As one begins to point out how certain individuals or things do not live up to their standards, and have something about them that is wrong and needs fixing, the focus of that person’s world becomes negative and their perspectives in life confined and restricted. This tends to create a stagnant, murky pool of feelings and emotions. And for many of us, this tendency can be difficult for us to notice, much less admit to.
We are not in this world to find others flaws–not a single one of us is tasked with such a miserable purpose or calling, and it is quite impossible for anyone to do so anyways. We do not truly know the hearts, thoughts, or intentions of others, and we definitely have not seen or felt all that they have experienced in their lives. Therefore, we are in no position to assume that something about them is a flaw. More importantly, when we do so, we choose to focus on their weaknesses instead of their strengths. If we were to help build upon those strengths instead, we could help them to become stronger–to feel good about their abilities and their potential instead of feeling bad about their weaknesses and shortcomings. In addition, by being a love-finder instead of a fault-finder, we are contributing to the postive in the world instead of increasing the negativity.
If we approach all things with love–looking for the loving way to deal with situations–we may find that we bring hope to others instead of self-criticism. We may also find that we give enthusiasm and encouragement instead of feelings of despair and worthlessness. Why not make the world a better place? When we have the ability to be a love-finder, why choose anything else? As a love-finder we can look for a caring, compassionate, and loving way to deal with a situation, and bring hope to others instead of despair.
Finding fault in another is easy… but finding love is so much more natural and beneficial to all. Which way will I choose to be?
Find a strength in another and help them to feel good about it.
Questions to consider:
How do so many of us become people who focus on the faults of others?
In your own life, do you do better when someone points out your faults, or when someone helps you to find ways to improve?
How would you define Gerald’s term “love-finder” in this context?
For further thought:
“My days of whining and complaining about others have come to an end. Nothing is easier than fault-finding. All it will do is discolor my personality so that none will want to associate with me. That was my old life. No more.” ~ Og Mandino